skate race
WHOOSH!!!!!! cold air brushed past my face as we entered the large tennis court.I sneakily pasted Hadi and was in the lead.As we rounded a few tight corners Hadi tried to pass me but I nudged his skateboard a bit and started nearing the finish line.Excitement built up in me.YES!!!! I cried as i passed the finish line.
by James
I liked the way you discribed the setting
ReplyDeletesam b
thanks
Deletej@me$
I liked how you said cold air brushed past my face
ReplyDeleteno wish
lewis$
I liked how you started in the action and used the an interesting hook to catch the readers attention.It really made me want to read on!!!
ReplyDeleteI think that you should maybe add some interesting adjectives to describe the setting a bit more.
from Megan
Star: I liked how you said "as we rounded a few tight corners".
ReplyDeleteWish: You could make the skin colour and the yellow to different colours because I couldn't really read it.
Your like how you used dialouge
ReplyDeleteI meant not the wish that was about the colours sorry about no name that was mine and i have no wish
ReplyDeleteVeronika
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