Swosh I started to sprint away from the place we agreed to start the nerf gun wars .My sister
Genevieve was behind me puffing to keep .We rounded a sharp bend then I saw Lauren and Oscar .
Suddenly I closed my eyes and shot. AAHH screamed Oscar and fell onto the damp cold grass.
SOPHIA!!!
I like how you described the grass as damp and cold
ReplyDeleteMy wish is to not use heaps of simple sentences
lewis!!
Star: I liked how you started in the action
ReplyDeleteWish: Make your sentences make sense because i didn't get what was that start to start
Veronika
star: good description about the grass.
ReplyDeletewish: Are nerf guns used by Smurfs
Glen john Russell
STAR: Like how you used the damp cold grass.
ReplyDeleteWISH: You don't need one.
By Ellie